Readers Respond: Dealing with Other People's Baby Showers After a Miscarriage

If you have had a miscarriage, you're not alone if the thought of attending other people's baby showers makes you want to curl up in a ball and hide in a box somewhere. So how have you coped with invitations to baby showers in the aftermath of your miscarriage? Do you find it difficult to attend them, and if so, do you politely decline or do you swallow your feelings and attend anyway? Share your experience here.

My best friend's baby shower

5 months after my 1st miscarriage I was invited to my best friend's baby shower. I was depressed but I chose to attend because I knew how much it meant for her as she had been trying to conceive for the past 5 years. Last 2 weeks I had my 2nd miscarriage. Having had 2 miscarriages in 8 months was too much to handle and I almost gave up on trying as my doctor told me that I could be having a recurrent miscarriage symptom and 'predicted' that I would have a 3rd miscarriage in the future. I felt hopeless and wanted an answer so much I went to another clinic for advice. This doctor told me that I should never stop trying. She had a patient who had miscarried 6 times and it was her 7th attempt while she was lying on her hospital bed with a 32-weeks pregnant belly waiting to deliver in a couple of weeks. At that instant I told myself I should keep on trying. It still takes time to heal the pain but I will feel good again.

—FennieFen

After miscarriage

I was asked to help host a baby shower after my first miscarriage - and I did, thinking it would be "good for me." I held it together, but I really wouldn't recommend hosting, or even attending, a shower until you really feel ready. After my second miscarriage, I declined invitations and everyone understood.

—Guest Deborah

Baby shower after miscarriage

I was invited to a baby shower at work and politely declined as it was only 3 weeks after my miscarriage and a reminder of the loss of my twins was too hard. I personally do not think there is anything disrespectful about skipping a baby shower after a miscarriage. It's one of the hardest times (at least in my life) and you have to protect yourself through your process of healing. For me subjecting myself to the added stress and sadness of being at a baby shower was just not something I was ready to do.

—Guest Heather

Baby Showers

I politely decline them. It still hurts to go to them and my miscarriage happened six months ago. I only went to my cousin's baby shower a few weeks ago for 30 minutes and left before the gifts and presents started since it was too painful. Our due date was next month so right now is really painful for me. I would say send a nice card and gift and that is all they should expect.

—Guest Jennifer