Me and my partner were both 19 when we had our loss. We have a son named Aidan who kept us fighting through our loss and pain. I'm a young mummy and very proud of my children...they are my everything.
My stillbirth story
My son passed away due to my placenta coming away, starving him of oxygen. I remember laying in the hospital bed, a midwife and someone with a scanning machine entered the room. While the scanning machine was being set up the midwife placed a doppler onto my stomach...only to fill the room with an awkward silence...I knew my son had died at that moment as they all looked at each other awkwardly.
I then had a scan. I couldn't see much the screen looked so dark!! He turned and looked at me and said "I'm so sorry, your baby has passed away, your placenta has come away and your bleeding badly".
All I remember after that was just pure fear. I didn't know what to expect or what was going to happen. I then had 2 tubes in my left arm, 2 in my right, and one stiched into my neck, all to keep me alive and to give me blood. At 12pm my waters had been broken and labour started...5 hours 46 minutes later...he was born. As I did the final push, they told us it was a boy. I was so scared to look at him. I didn't know what to expect. I glanced over and was horrified with what I saw. He was a perfect little boy...but I was still so scared of him. He weighed 6lb 8oz, the same as me when I was born and was formed perfectly. I didn't want to look at him, it was easier to think it had never happened. My partner and friend were at the birth, and my friend dressed him for me. I couldnt touch him, I felt so dead.
I then spent the next 3 days with 24 hour care. We had him blessed and he was taken away for me to recover. They explained everything to me, what was going to happen, and what to expect. I was then taken to the ward full of people who had just had their babies, they gave me a seperate room so I wasn't surrounded. I spent the next night listening to all the babies cry and mothers tend to them, it was so hard.
Finally after the 5th day I was allowed home. We took a taxi as we don't drive. I arrived home and my step dad dropped my son back. I held him and cried...he was so precious...and my only reason for being here still. We then had a ton of appointments, arranging the funeral and I even went to see my angel a couple of times. We had his funeral 2days after my sons first birthday...it was the hardest day for me. I couldn't believe...he was gone.
- Take each day as it comes. Don't try and skip too far ahead.
- Do what feels right for you...talk about it if you need to, dont worry about everyone else.
- Remember things can only get better.
- When the time is right, look at whatever things you have to remind you...it's the best healer.
- Accept...once you have accepted you will find the strength to move on.
How far along were you?
I was 36 weeks pregnant.
Are you planning to try again?
We had planned to try again, and we fell pregnant in the first cycle of trying to concieve. Now expecting a little girl October the 24th 2010. Our precious gift.