How far along were you when the miscarriage happened?
Was this your first pregnancy?
Do you plan to try again?
It seems like I've spent all of my adult life deliberately avoiding getting pregnant like so many other young women. I'm 26 years old. My husband and I decided to wait until we had married before we would try to conceive. Sounds simple, doesn't it? Well we married 16 months ago and after 12 long months of trying I found out we were 6 weeks pregnant last November. We were delighted but decided to keep it to ourselves until I was 12 weeks pregnant.
My miscarriage story
I came home from work (i was on night duty) Christmas morning (Friday) feeling very, very happy. We were going to tell both our families about our baby that day as I was 12 weeks. Minutes after getting in from work I noticed I was bleeding and I just knew that we were not going to end up holding our baby in 6 months. I started crying hysterically right there in the bathroom. With my legs shaking I went to the living room and quietly rang the doctor on call that day who told me I was more than likely losing the baby. She told me to go straight to A&E.
My husband woke up while I was sitting on our bed still crying hysterically, trying to tell him what was happening. I was seen quickly in the hospital and given both a regular and internal ultrasound. The doctor couldn't be sure whether I was losing the baby or not and told me to come back if the bleeding got worse or I had any cramping or pain.
I spent Christmas day in tears. My heart felt like it was physically breaking. Stephens Day - within an hour of waking up I was in agony and the bleeding was much worse. It took my husband hours to convince me to go back to the hospital. I just didnt see the point -- they couldn't save my baby any more than I could. I went back in, eventually had another internal scan and the doctor could tell me this time that the 'products of conception' were gone. I wanted to scream at him that it was my baby not "product of" anything.
For a few days afterwards I would break down and cry without warning. I still do. It's only been two and a half weeks. My husband has been a rock for me but he finds it hard to speak about it. The hardest thing for me is that most of my family don't know about the miscarriage. My sister in law is pregnant with twins at the moment and it's just so painful to look at her. I'm delighted for her that she is pregnant but it's still hard and my husband's sister in law announced that she is pregnant and due the same time I would have been. All I can think about is the baby we will never have and getting pregnant again, how long it will take to conceive again or if i ever will. When will it be our turn to be parents? It sounds selfish but I just can't see the fairness in it.
- Don't delude yourself and have false hope that the baby might survive if you know in your heart it won't. It will just make it harder. It sounds harsh but it's true.
- Talk to your partner. It's his baby too and he needs to grieve with you. Trust me it will help you feel like you're not in it alone.
- Don't let anyone let you feel like you're overreacting because miscarriages are so common and lots of women have them. You're losing your baby. Whether it's in your womb or not, it's still your baby. I've been through it and so have many more but everyone handles grief differently, so take the time. Everything else can wait.