You may find yourself struggling to think of the right thing to say when someone close to you loses a pregnancy, especially if you have no personal miscarriage experience. Most of the time, all you need to say to your friend or loved one is that you are there if she (or he) needs to talk. Try to avoid giving advice or saying anything that minimizes the loss. Sometimes, some comments may come across as being hurtful even if not intended that way.
"At least you can get pregnant."
Although it is true that many couples struggle with infertility, the end goal of getting pregnant is not the positive pregnancy test but the baby. Merely being able to get pregnant is not a comfort for most women who experience a miscarriage."You can always try again."
Many women can go on to try again after a miscarriage, and indeed many find comfort in that idea after time. However, for someone grieving a recent loss, one baby does not replace another. Each loss needs to be dealt with individually and the woman needs to think about trying again on her own time when she is ready."The baby would have been deformed anyway."
Never speculate that a miscarriage was for the best. Miscarriages happen for many reasons, and you do not know what may or may not have caused this particular loss. In addition, many women feel that they would have wanted their baby no matter what, and this particular comment very much minimizes the importance of the mother/child bond."At least you have other kids."
Even if a woman has living children, they do not replace the baby she lost. If anything, sometimes women with living children may feel they grieve miscarriages more deeply because they know exactly what has been lost."Everything will be fine next time."
Everyone hopes that everything will be fine in the next pregnancy, but sometimes it isn't. Women who have
recurrent miscarriages often remember being reassured by others that everything would be fine next time, and sometimes this makes for an even harder time coping with the second loss.
"It happened because _______."
Please avoid speculating over what caused the miscarriage. No one really knows. Unless the woman pursues medical testing, which usually happens only after recurrent miscarriages, no one can say what caused the loss.
