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What Do I Say in a Remembrance/Anniversary Card?

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Updated August 01, 2012

What Do I Say in a Remembrance/Anniversary Card?
Photo © Nap Apolinario, Jr.
Question: What Do I Say in a Remembrance/Anniversary Card?

I know my friend would appreciate a card to mark the anniversary of her baby’s death, but I don’t know what to say. What would be comforting without being hurtful?

Answer:

Although we often assume that grieving parents have "moved on" by the one-year mark from a pregnancy loss, it’s most likely that your friend is still thinking about what happened every single day. She may not have acute feelings of sadness every day anymore, but there is no doubt that she’s aware of the upcoming anniversary.

In that regard, you don’t have to worry about being hurtful. You won’t be reminding her of anything she’s not already thinking about. Many moms report it’s more hurtful thinking that everyone forgot.

So what should you say?

There’s nothing simpler than “I remember.”

Other suggestions for an anniversary card:

  • "Thinking of you and [baby’s name]."
  • "Lots of love to you as one year approaches."
  • "[Baby’s name] is still in my/our heart/s."
  • "If you’re looking for company on the anniversary, I’m here."
  • "Happy Birthday, [baby’s name]." – most appropriate for a baby who died shortly after birth.
  • "I love you."
  • "I’m always here for you."

No matter what you decide to write, or say, as long as you are sincere in your sentiments, your effort will be appreciated. Remember, there is almost no chance your friend isn’t aware of the approaching anniversary. Bereaved parents may not always choose to honor the day of their child’s death, but they are always counting the passage of time.

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