When it's Thanksgiving, people tend to talk a lot about what that they are thankful for. But if you have had a pregnancy loss, you might understandably find it difficult to think of being thankful -- and you may have problems dealing with the holidays in general. Here are a few ideas for how to get through Thanksgiving.
Build your favorite comfort food into your Thanksgiving meal. Include some buttery garlic mashed potatoes or baked macaroni and cheese if they make your mouth water. Or do eating gooey chocolate brownies make you feel better? Have it for dessert. (No one says you have to have pumpkin pie.) If you are going to someone else's house for Thanksgiving, ask if you can bring this comfort dish (just make enough for everyone).
Have an out for large gatherings in the event that you need it. If you have a family tradition of doing a big Thanksgiving get together and you expect pregnant relatives to be present, plan an excuse for why you have to leave early if the gathering gets overwhelming. Remember that whatever you are feeling is valid. You may find your relatives to be a comfort, but you might also find it difficult to be around people.
Be prepared for people to ask how you're doing, especially if your loss was recent. But don't be surprised if they avoid the subject either. Try not to take either reaction personally. Most of the time, people don't know what to say. If they don't ask, they may be assuming you don't want to talk about it. If they do ask, and you really don't want to talk about it, know that they are probably asking because they care -- but it's okay to politely explain that you don't want to talk about it.
Don't be afraid to enjoy yourself if you do feel up to it. It is completely reasonable to have fun, and it doesn't mean that you didn't love your baby. Similarly, if you just don't feel in the holiday spirit this year, it's fine to keep it low key.
Don't worry too much about the pressure to feel "thankful." There is nothing about pregnancy loss that you should feel you need to be thankful for, and it is okay to not feel like celebrating. Still, if someone has helped you a lot during this time, perhaps Thanksgiving is a good time to let him know how much he means to you.